Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dear DHS Worker

I write this letter to beg you to believe me that all of the apparent traumas caused to my children are not by my hand! Most assuredly they did all of that to themselves! Really.

Yes, I do want you to believe that in one day my oldest daughter was, in fact, pushed off of a bed by her younger brother, tripped over a toy broom and centered her precious little face on an open closet door, and crashed her scooter on the asphalt, re-splitting her lip, gashing her knee, and embedding gravel in her hand. Really. It did happen. All in one day.

Her younger brother, perhaps from the Karma of pushing his sister off of the bed earlier in the day, tripped on toys in the playroom, planting his only remaining front tooth squarely on a windowsill, jamming it further up in his head (it did improve the appearance since the loose, grayish tooth is no longer jutting a quarter of an inch below the surrounding upper teeth) and splitting his lip! Really.

The baby just has a bit of diaper rash after pooping her panties in the middle of a very deep slumber at naptime. She had just left a man-sized poop in the toilet at Chuck E. Cheese a few hours before. Really. Relatively unscathed she is.

So, please believe me when I tell you that I couldn't think up such horrible things to do to my children as what they do to themselves. Really.

Mischelle Coston,
Mom and First Aid Pro


Tonia Hobbs said...

Oh dear! I believe you with all my heart...kids do some crazy stuff.

Julie said...

I'm laughing so hard! Not, at the injuries of course, just at your sense of humor. I miss you so much!

I hope everyone is better soon!